So I was sitting around mourning my life losses the other day, lamenting closed windows and opportunities untaken, torturing myself by searching for the audition tapes of all the women who have lived and/or are presently living my personal life-long dream to be a writer/cast member of Saturday Night Live. Yes, I have more than one personal life-long dream and…
In which someone wipes the smug look off a guy’s face by smacking the trump hat off his head
Maybe it’s our fault, because we forgot to stop to buy champagne on the way there. Maybe deep deep deep down inside, we knew that the bottle of champagne would have just sat there on the coffee table, an unopened metaphorical bottle of salt for the infected wound that would fester deeper and deeper into the night, and the soft…
Alcohol makes you better at sports; A somewhat loose translation
Something I noticed when I moved back to Montreal years ago, was that Quebecers are so much more open and down to earth than Vancouverites. “What???” You may be asking yourselves. Or me. You may be asking me. “Aren’t Montrealers are a bunch of chain-smoking, meat-eating, sexist, stinky, racist anti-hijab fear mongers!??” To which I…
If only Spin class were more like drunk angry sex…
So here’s the thing. Last week I tried a spin class for the very first time in my life. I’m not going to lie. I didn’t really like it. So obviously, I went back and I tried it again. And still… While I appreciate that spin class is an awesome low impact workout that will…
I’m just so glad the reign of terror is finally over…
I hate April Fool’s day. And with good reason, it’s easily is the dumbest day ever. Seriously. It is so stupid. When my ex was a kid, his mom used to cook pieces of fabric into their pancakes the morning of every single April 1st. I’m not sure how that’s even funny. It just seems…
And for the children… Hollow Tombs
Did you know ( I didn’t, until today) that the tradition of the dying eggs was to colour them red, as a symbol of the blood of Christ (gross) and (even grosser) the significance of the easter egg itself is that it represents a hollow tomb? So basically, Walmart, and probably every pharmacy in North…
I Don’t Give A Damn About My Bad Education
Okay, well that’s not entirely true but… Oh my God – Oh my God – Oh my God! I saw Joan Jett in concert on Monday night and SHUT UP! Because I can’t even contain my inner everything – from my inner child to my inner teen-angel, to my inner-lesbian and inner-mom. Seriously. Childhood fantasy…
The Best Exotic Jewish General (Code Lavender)
So I booked another rejuvenating stay at the Jewish General Hospital quite recently, and I have to say; The new wing is pretty luxurious. Yes it took me over 12 hours to be admitted – Yes it took me over 3 hours to get the results of my “emergency” CT Scan – and Yes there…
Beyonce can suck it and here’s why
Okay maybe I didn’t actually mean that Beyonce herself should suck it. What I meant is that this quote, “You have the same 24 hours as Beyonce” – The internet should suck it. And so should whoever created, mass produced and distributed all the memes, wall decals, diaries, mugs, and throw pillows with that quote on them. I…
Potential side effects include mild skin rash, compulsive acts of body art, and C Difficile
I want my body back!!! Seriously though. I’m not really a baby, I swear, and if any of these things would just happen alone I wouldn’t even be whining about it. REALLY. I know it could be worse. I know half of the world has it harder than me. I know all of that but…