Phallus is as phallus does…

Just when I started to worry that we weren’t a penis obsessed enough, I find out that the Icelandic whaling town of Husavik has a museum featuring over 270 preserved penises from over 90 different species of Mammals, most of them originating on Iceland or in offshore waters but also including 23 in the “folklore”…

Letter to my 15 year old self

Dear Jennifer (aka JEM, JenX, Jennie, Jeff etc…), we need to talk. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately and it has come to my attention that there are things you should know before embarking on the rest of your teen age. 1- You are NOT fat. Eat, drink, be merry and most of all,…

Who is WE exactly???

Her face so sweet and innocent. Her eyes so curious and hungry for knowledge… “We’re not allowed to cremate Jews right?” The room spun upside-down and it was all I could do to keep the nausea from getting the best of me. Should I put her in private school? Lock her in the basement? Call…

Give it to me baby

So… I went to a dinner party not that long ago and I have to say, it was one of many that found it’s way to the conversation of sex and how women felt they just weren’t getting enough of it. Some who hadn’t had any in months, others who hadn’t had any in YEARS, all…

Dear Speedo wearing guy in last night’s hot yoga class

Dear Speedo wearing guy in last night’s hot yoga class, NO. No to the speedo wearing and NO to the litre of *grape juice you were guzzling throughout the class. No to your grunting and groaning and hyperventilating and a special NO to you using an outside voice to ask questions to the instructor, from…

My new pink what now?

So… just when I thought my list of things to feel insecure about was about long enough… “My New Pink Button ™ is a temporary dye to restore the youthful pink colour back to your labia. ” Why? What’s wrong with my labia?? Not pink enough for who? Apparently My New Pink Button was created by…

It’s Business Time

So tomorrow is Valentine’s day and it brings to mind visions of adoring glances, juicy kisses, cinnamon hearts, chocolate boxes and the Flight of the Conchords song Business Time. I know, I know, there is a mountain of you grinchy people who think it’s stupid and where the hell does Wallgreens/Pharmasave get off telling you what…

I Want To Be Your Fantasy, Maybe You Could Be Mine

I remember laying in my bed, with all the lights off, trying to force myself to cry while Prince sang his heart out, and Purple Rain came pouring from my tape deck. It usually worked. 13 year olds have a particular talent for method acting. He wailed and groaned and moaned and peaked my sexual…

That NO-Feeling

  A friend of mine was seeing a therapist years ago who counseled on the theory that you (we, as humans) would be more balanced and grounded if we listened to our bodies when they had NO-feelings. Not no feelings, but NO-feelings. What I mean is, that feeling of dread or I-don’t-want-to-do-this. That..Oh boy..this is…

Minus the drug lords and the death threats that is…

  I did a great job of organizing my agenda this week. I’m trying to give myself a chance to rest and recover but also set one or two reasonable goals for each day of this week and somehow, even though we are only Tuesday, I’m already behind. I blame you Nancy Botwin! Weeds. Is anybody else…