Freshly Ground Black People

Dear Auto-Correct-Spell-Check, While I appreciate your help, I do, at times, find your unbridled enthusiasm a little presumptuous. Some of us have names that you don’t recognize. Some of us invent words that you don’t know about yet. Some of us just don’t mean to say what you think we mean to say, AND most…

Marry Me?

I read recently in an advice column, responding to a woman who was wondering why her boyfriend won’t marry her, that she should look in the mirror and ask herself this question: Would you marry yourself? If the answer is yes, she should move on and find the man who feels the same way. If…

I was just wondering…

It occurred to me for the first time just yesterday as I stooped to pet a neighborhood cat, on my way home from a hair appointment. Why do we do that? What compels us to walk up to strange animals and sometimes babies or even small children and pet them? I saw a really cute…

Consequence…as surreal as the outside world to a goldfish…

One of my daughters, who shall remain nameless, in the interest of protecting the “innocent” …and what have you, has been known to have the odd problem at school, here and there, because who hasn’t really, and also, she’s a teenager. I am used to getting calls from principals and teachers, counselors and most recently…

Phallus is as phallus does…

Just when I started to worry that we weren’t a penis obsessed enough, I find out that the Icelandic whaling town of Husavik has a museum featuring over 270 preserved penises from over 90 different species of Mammals, most of them originating on Iceland or in offshore waters but also including 23 in the “folklore”…

Letter to my 15 year old self

Dear Jennifer (aka JEM, JenX, Jennie, Jeff etc…), we need to talk. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately and it has come to my attention that there are things you should know before embarking on the rest of your teen age. 1- You are NOT fat. Eat, drink, be merry and most of all,…

Who is WE exactly???

Her face so sweet and innocent. Her eyes so curious and hungry for knowledge… “We’re not allowed to cremate Jews right?” The room spun upside-down and it was all I could do to keep the nausea from getting the best of me. Should I put her in private school? Lock her in the basement? Call…

Give it to me baby

So… I went to a dinner party not that long ago and I have to say, it was one of many that found it’s way to the conversation of sex and how women felt they just weren’t getting enough of it. Some who hadn’t had any in months, others who hadn’t had any in YEARS, all…

Dear Speedo wearing guy in last night’s hot yoga class

Dear Speedo wearing guy in last night’s hot yoga class, NO. No to the speedo wearing and NO to the litre of *grape juice you were guzzling throughout the class. No to your grunting and groaning and hyperventilating and a special NO to you using an outside voice to ask questions to the instructor, from…