Are you on fire? No. Are you Bleeding? No. Then it can wait.

I know it will be a long recovery process physically, eating breakfast exhausts me. I suspect there will be some emotional recovery also. It’s inexplicably surreal to wonder one minute if you will survive the night and then only days later be staring at a dog that is begging you to take her out to…

Vegetarian Fish Loaf?

  So… after 6 days of a fever of over 104, violent and uncontrollable shaking and an inability to get from one room to the other without sliding my body against the wall for support, my silly boyfriend decides that it’s time to haul me kicking and screaming (or dragging and whimpering rather) to the…

Aaaaaaand scene!

Christmas reminds me of childbirth, in that there is all this exciting build up, decorating, shopping, alerting and gathering of the family etc… but then, when it is just about to happen, you suddenly change your mind and want to either stop the whole show or just skip straight to the day after. The day…

The landing strip

So… I don’t want to offend anybody here but I’m just going to come right out and say that I don’t get what people call “the landing strip”, or “pubic hair mustache”. I don’t know if it’s because it reminds me of porn from 1989 or something else, but it just looks weird to me….

Bring on the clowns

“Why don’t you go to Addition Elle or Penningtons?” My husband would suggest to me. “WHAT?? WHY?” “Because you are always complaining that the boutiques in the mall only have clothes for 12 year old barbie dolls, maybe you should go somewhere for big  girls.” Did he just call me a big girl? I’m not big….

wanna suck my cork?

Sooo… this dude requests my friendship on Facebook right? Well, not my facebook so much as the facebook of my alter-ego/burlesque characterDamiana Dolce and, assuming he is one of my billions of fans, I accept him. He then quite promptly sends me an email saying “you looks horny, wanna suck my cork?” The thing is, I…

Open your whore mouth?

Interview generated by Aunt Becky of Mommy Wants Vodka Ok, so Aunt Becky over at Mommy wants Vodka is doing a giveaway and to be entered you have to complete this interview. I am entering for two reasons, one being that it gives me a chance to say Aunt Becky at least 3 times in one post…

Seriously? Cardi-Coats? SHUT-UP!!!

That’s it, I can’t take it anymore. I’m going to pile every one of my cardigans on top of my television and light them all on fire if I have to hear one more episode of Old Navy’s Cardigan campaign. Seriously? Cardi-Coats? Party-Cardies? AFTER-PARTY-CARDIES????? STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!