I’m sorry, but you can’t parade around, looking like pokemon, with your scrawny, hairy boyfriend, who, by the way, bears a striking resemblance to the guy who works at my neighbourhood video store, on a leash, and expect me to keep a straight face. Last night I performed in a burlesque show that was part…
Category: The awesomeness that is the inner workings of my somewhat disturbed and unarguably juvenile mind
Massages And Other Stress Inducing Intimacies
The massage was inconsistent. Not that I am a connoisseur of these sorts of things. I’ve only ever had one before and due to my inability not to personalize absolutely everything, I spent most of it weeping tears of shame while leaking breast milk all over the massage table. That was years ago, and my…
I’m Cheating On You And Other Forms Of Useless Blackmail
Me: So are you coming over tonight? Boyfriend: I have to keep working on this track for blah blah blah and I have to polish up the sample pack for boodittybooblahbooregefad and… Me: I know this isn’t the best time to tell you but I’m cheating on you and I’m sorry but I am probably not going to…
Radioshow – MF Daisy Songbook Concert
One more sleep until MF Daisy’s Songbook Concert, Radioshow! Come join us for an afternoon of song and dance and all kinds of awesome! Also, for those of you who wanted to pledge a donation there are only a few short hours left to do it. All proceeds from the show go to Dignity…
Serendipity Looks Good Too!
Serendipity NEVER happens to me but I’m telling you people, I’m on a roll! First I’m visualizing community, now I’m manifesting French interior decorating. Honestly, does it get any better? On my (vision) Please Universe-Cut-Me-A-Break-And-Let-Me-Live-Large-Board I posted my dream couch: …
Student Gets Expelled For Telling Teacher to Suck HER Penis Via Facebook… or Does She?
One of my 13 illegitimate children posted a video of some of her classmates smoking pot on YouTube. This was allegedly brought to one of her teacher’s attention. This lead to probing said child’s YouTube channel where *Gasp* teachers found a video that was filmed ON SCHOOL PROPERTY of students…. Playing basketball!!! DUM DUM!!…
Are You My Person?
Yesterday Jules (Thing 1) and I skipped out of real life and went to the cinema to see Friends With Kids. I was super excited to see it – All star cast of hot and hilarious man-stars + two of my favourite TV ladies + ridiculing children, was bound to be = awesome. Except for when…
Sexiest Valentine Ever Part Two
Colonoscopies are SO AWESOME! Minus how gross the preparation is, and the super-fun side effects of the preparation and the going to the hospital part and the gowns and the painful discomfort of having your bowels inflated with air part oh, and also minus the having a tube crammed up your butt part. But aside…
The Orchid Theory
Dearest Jennifer, The way I see it…some people buy African Violets because they are pretty but very hardy. If you ignore them they hardly ever seem to notice. Other people buy Orchids…these do not tolerate the slightest bit of neglect. To those who own them they are worth the effort. You are an orchid. At…
Trimming The Bush And Stepping Out
Something has happened to me. Again. I’m not sure when it happened but at some point between reckless, exhibitionist party rager and now, I lost all enthusiasm for leaving the house. Even opening the front door to get the mail feels like a chore. Somewhere between super social butterfly and now, I’ve come to…