Lionel

The adulteress was an exotic dancer and a fascinating fountain of unpredictably useful information.

“You can still strip when you have your period, just cut the string off your tampon and nobody will ever know.”

Sure, I was only 8 years old at the time, and not even entirely sure what a “period” was, but it was a tip I was very grateful for, many years later, as a burlesque performer.

Cornsilk, crushed dreams, and bits of stray kitty litter

I felt overwhelmed with grief over the fact that I had led my poor innocent and unsuspecting sofa into a scary unknown place where it would meet its demise. Don’t worry, I’m doubting my sanity. I understand that this emotional attachment to a piece of furniture is unhealthy and misplaced. And I understand, in theory, that my sofa wasn’t the key to my happiness or self-worth. I get that. I just need a minute.

Dear Crazy Creatives…

Are you plagued with questions that you don’t have the answers to? Do you need advice and don’t know who to turn to? Having trouble deciding whether or not to start your own business? Get bangs? Toss your SO to the curb with the rest of the trash? Are you dying to know our deepest…

Bush Envy ( Dear Jennifer June)

Dear JJC, I’ve been to pretty much every single stand-up comedy show you’ve ever done, and when I hear your stories,  I feel like we’re practically the same person even though you’re obviously cooler, smarter and prettier than me. #goals I went vegan, had 3 kids and bleached my bangs, to be just more like you!…

Am I dying or getting famous?

Last night I dreamed of my mother. We were in the front foyer of her New Jersey split-level bungalow. “I’m just going to Costco to get you a coffin, do you need anything else?” she offhandedly mentioned, as she squeezed past me in the hallway, jacket on and car keys in hand. “wait, what? You’re what?”…

Pro tip, don’t be a dick

My place   of employment recently changed medical insurers, and informed us that we would have to pay for all medical expenses out of pocket until at least October 1st, when our new cards arrive. Naturally, two days after this announcement, I quite promptly bit down on a seemingly harmless almond  and quite certainly and absolutely broke…

Where dreams go to die

My good friend Nanci and I have known each other since we were about 14 years old. She’s one of the smartest, funniest and most talented people I know and I love her to pieces. I’m not sure exactly how the seed was planted. I think my girlfriend suggested we do it so I brought…

Is there such thing as too much Self Care?

It wasn’t even 7:00pm and I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open. I had chills even though the thermometer read 16 degrees Celsius in the house. What? Oh, yes I know, the BBC weather guide says that the “recommended temperature is 21 degrees Celsius (69.8 degrees Farenheit), but you may be more comfortable at a higher temperature. If…