As the upstairs neighbours drift into a euphoric slow-wave dreamless delta state, their brain waves slowing and enlarging blissfully like the heart of an angel (with dilated cardiomyopathy), a sudden and almost paralyzing shriek fills the air. “FLO GET THE F*@&! AWAY FROM THE DOOR! I swear to god I’ll spray you!” The screen door we installed…
Category: The awesomeness that is the inner workings of my somewhat disturbed and unarguably juvenile mind
Sophistication, Success and Serial Killers
My idol, Julia Cameron, includes this exercise in a few of her brilliant books, The Artist’s Way, the Sound of Paper and perhaps some others, where she encourages her reader to visit their own perceptions of what items for them could serve as a token of success. I have taken it a step further and…
The results are in!!
As some of you may or may not know, eight hundred and sixty seven years ago, instead of making an appearance on the Maury Povich show, I spit in a vial and sent it to Ireland. While normally I am perfectly at home in the spotlight, I have to say that I’m pretty relieved to…
Are You My Mother?
I’m going to tell my real mom!! And she’s going to come and get me! I wanted so much to believe, as so many perfectly happy and well loved children do, that I was secretly adopted from somebody interesting, exciting and foreign. Switched at birth or stolen from my birth-mother who was probably a rich…
Fingers
Naturally, as a child I thought the world was a cruel and unfair place to live, which of course it is. And naturally, I placed the blame solely on my Mother, therefore coming to the conclusion that most children make at some point in their evolution, or another, which is that I must…
Streaming TV ruined my life
Okay, that may have been a bit dramatic. What I meant to say is that streaming TV is evil and everyone should stop doing it right now. Too harsh? Fine. What I mean is, that streaming TV is making me sad and I wish people weren’t so into it. I’m not saying that I have…
Jen’s family and other animals
When I was quite young, I happened upon a copy of Gerald Durrell’s book, My Family And Other Animals. It is an autobiographical journey through Gerald’s eyes at about age 10. His family has moved from England to the Greek island of Corfu. To this day, it is still my absolute favourite book on earth….
Banksy is my spirit animal
Some people don’t believe in resolutions at all. Other people don’t believe that they work if you tell anybody what they are, or write them down, or make them on certain days, during certain seasons, under certain moons etc. and that’s fine. I, for one, celebrate 3 different New Years, 2 of which are…
Don’t accidentally bring home anybody you might potentially want to throw out in the morning (Happy New Year’s Eve)
In my extensive (10 minute) research (perusal of the internet) in preparation (procrastination) of writing this post, I came to learn that I am not the only one (you know how much I hate to not be the only one who anythings… unless its perfectly natural but unpleasant things that nobody wants to be the…
Yaaas Queen ! And other reasons for you to hate me
I’m having a very hard time distinguishing where that very fine line between being sensitive to and perpetuating racism is. Where do you draw that line? I’m not being flippant, I’m asking real questions and I need real answers. I’ve always loved the name Diego. The name Diego is a Spanish baby name and I,…