Yesterday we waited 3 hours before asking the receptionist how much longer. We were coughed on, sneezed on and educated quite thoroughly on Rheumatoid Arthritis and Irritable Bowel Syndrome before leaving. “I can’t tell you exactly m’am” droned the receptionist, in time with her rolling eyes, “But it will be at least 2 hours still.”…
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Stay Gold
Holy crap-bag this is the Mother’s day of all Mother’s days. I woke up and had a green tea, ignored the dog and cursed the snow as it fell violently from the sky, as if to taunt me. “Hahahah!! That’s what you get for throwing your winter boots in the garbage you self righteous winter-hating…
Private Bodies
I was walking through the park, watching the party of squirrels darting around through the grass. They’re cute I guess but I’m not a huge fan. To be honest, I find them, like pigeons, to be a bit grungy and desperate, and I am not at all in the habit of paying them any close…
Oh Betty!
What means play and adventure down below? What comes in a rainbow of choices with fun names like: Black Betty Auburn Betty Brown Betty Blond Betty Fun Betty Malibu Betty and…Sexy Betty? That’s right… You guessed it… Pubic hair dye! Yeay! How awesome is that? I’m tempted to dye my bush turqoise just because I think…
Did I ever tell you you’re my hero…
In Julia Cameron’s book, there is an exercise where you are supposed to create a “Hall of Champions”. This is a list of people who wish you and your creativity well, those who do or have championed your creative self worth. I find this exercise a little draining because many of the characters in my…
Brain farts in the night…
Boyfriend: Last night was the third time in a week that I dreamed that the roof was caving in on me. Me: Maybe it’s because you are feeling a lack of control in your life and you feel vulnerable and helpless or you’ve taken on too much and its all falling in on you. Boyfriend:…
Freshly Ground Black People
Dear Auto-Correct-Spell-Check, While I appreciate your help, I do, at times, find your unbridled enthusiasm a little presumptuous. Some of us have names that you don’t recognize. Some of us invent words that you don’t know about yet. Some of us just don’t mean to say what you think we mean to say, AND most…
Marry Me?
I read recently in an advice column, responding to a woman who was wondering why her boyfriend won’t marry her, that she should look in the mirror and ask herself this question: Would you marry yourself? If the answer is yes, she should move on and find the man who feels the same way. If…
I was just wondering…
It occurred to me for the first time just yesterday as I stooped to pet a neighborhood cat, on my way home from a hair appointment. Why do we do that? What compels us to walk up to strange animals and sometimes babies or even small children and pet them? I saw a really cute…
Consequence…as surreal as the outside world to a goldfish…
One of my daughters, who shall remain nameless, in the interest of protecting the “innocent” …and what have you, has been known to have the odd problem at school, here and there, because who hasn’t really, and also, she’s a teenager. I am used to getting calls from principals and teachers, counselors and most recently…