This week I have been inhabiting the body, mind and soul of pretty much any leading lady in the first half of any Hollywood romantic comedy. You know the one. She’s quirky and silly looking but potentially attractive. She’s disorganized, working an unfulfilling and underpaid dead-end job, while pining away for fame or her dream…
Category: The awesomeness that is the inner workings of my somewhat disturbed and unarguably juvenile mind
And By Music I Mean Breasts
I’d be lying if I told you that there are no parts of my body that I hate. I’d be lying if I told you that there are any parts of my body that I love. But my perspective is skewed. And I hold very high double standards. When I was young (and by young I mean…
Your body is a temple and I feel like kicking your temple down a flight of stairs
In other news, My mom fell down a flight of stairs a couple of days ago, banging her head on a stone wall and falling unconscious. She is concussed, her head is being held together by 6 giant staples and she has fractured her neck. “I’m just so grateful that it’s not any…
A Stepford Kind Of Love
A Stepford Kind Of Love That very morning I received a text from a friend in despair, who is being bullied at work. That morning that I gave the super zen all-embracing, all-loving advice: “Take deep breaths, remember why you are important, and do a Love-Sending-Meditation for that sad gossipy lady. Put out positive energy….
I’m not impressed
So in the spirit of yesterday’s post, I have decided not to retaliate violently against winter, by killing it. What I am doing, is diplomatically demonstrating my feelings. Civilly expressing my sentiments. Peacefully protesting winter. By giving up walking my dog until Spring. And I thought you all should know.
Dear Québec, Grow The F#@K Up!
That’s right, I’m heading for the danger zone here and I really don’t give a shit who hates me, judges me, or unfriends me on stupid facebook by the time I make it out. On that ragey note, let’s start with a charming little Once Upon A Time, shall we? 15 years ago, I was…
Oh, Were you sleeping?!?!?
Here are some things that I have learned recently: If you have the energy to whine all over facebook about your symptoms, it’s not the Flu. It’s a cold. If you can see through your bloodshot eyes, because they don’t feel like they are full of shards of glass and/or they don’t spontaneously combust at…
Resoluting And Things
I was going to check my 2013 resolutions to see if I actually accomplished any of them, before making new ones for this year but as it turns out, I was seemingly still working on 2012 at the time, because the list is nowhere to be found. Luckily, not much has changed and I…
Thai Bowls And Russian Mobsters
So the other night I order a take-out Thai curry for delivery and it took me on a mini-adventure. The delivery person was a middle-aged Russian man named Vitaly, who, instead of waiting patiently at the bottom of my stairs when I buzzed him in, tromped right up them, in his sloppy snowy salty boots,…
Dentistry Induced Erotica
I have been having nightmares almost every single sleepless night for the last 7 1/2 years of my life. Last night was different. In my dream, it was nighttime and I was reclined on the sofa in the waiting room, where there were bay windows overlooking the street. A dentist was sewing up my…