Yesterday Jules (Thing 1) and I skipped out of real life and went to the cinema to see Friends With Kids. I was super excited to see it – All star cast of hot and hilarious man-stars + two of my favourite TV ladies + ridiculing children, was bound to be = awesome. Except for when…
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Four Fife Sic Zumba! !
Holy crap! I’m having way too much fun with these HILARIOUS (and by hilarious I mean AWESOME) Zumba DVDs! I’m not kidding. I love them in all their cheesy glory. I’ve been doing them for 3 days in a row now and I can’t get enough, I swear. I wish I could stay home all day…
Sexiest Valentine Ever Part Two
Colonoscopies are SO AWESOME! Minus how gross the preparation is, and the super-fun side effects of the preparation and the going to the hospital part and the gowns and the painful discomfort of having your bowels inflated with air part oh, and also minus the having a tube crammed up your butt part. But aside…
Sexiest Valentine Ever Part One
Oh, you thought I was joking yesterday? No, no I was not. I am hell bent on having the sexiest colonoscopy anyone has every had in the history of womankind. You laugh, but I booked a Brazilian for this bitch and everything. Showered, legs shaved, full make-up, hair and nails… I even picked out a…
The Orchid Theory
Dearest Jennifer, The way I see it…some people buy African Violets because they are pretty but very hardy. If you ignore them they hardly ever seem to notice. Other people buy Orchids…these do not tolerate the slightest bit of neglect. To those who own them they are worth the effort. You are an orchid. At…
Naked School
So last night I dream that I am taking a stroll through the countryside when suddenly I come across a giant school. About the school yard wandered children, teachers and parents, most of whom were buck naked. I’m not going to lie. I was a little taken aback. I kept walking for a bit…
Trimming The Bush And Stepping Out
Something has happened to me. Again. I’m not sure when it happened but at some point between reckless, exhibitionist party rager and now, I lost all enthusiasm for leaving the house. Even opening the front door to get the mail feels like a chore. Somewhere between super social butterfly and now, I’ve come to…
Occupy Wall Street Or Buy A Corn Broom
Before the rotten tomatoes start flying, a little disclaimer. I support the demonstrations/protests/occupations/tent cities. I am excited about this uproar of spirit and unity. I have a bunch of friends and family down there and I am intensely proud of them. They are some of the sweetest, most generous and environmentally conscious people I…
Because these things happen to me…
So I’m at a client’s house the other day… Innocently feeding her baby, minding my own business and also trying very much to mind the baby’s face and hands since, due to a lack of high chair, she was sitting in my lap. Mom enthusiastically chopped a chicken into 40 pieces right in front of…
Teenage Melt-Down
Some favourite teenage quotes of the week: “I can do whatever I want” “I’m moving out” “You’re such a drama queen” “You can’t stop me!” “So! What are the police going to do about it?” “REAL MATURE MOM!” “You’re seriously expecting me to get a summer job? SERIOUSLY?” “Why is everything always all about you?” Via text:…