Ack!! I’m lost. I’m confused. I haven’t run for a week. I am equally as far behind on tasks and projects. I’m doing okay in The Artist’s Way as far as daily morning pages, writing exercises and weekly tasks are concerned, except for ONE REALLY IMPORTANT ONE. The Artist Date. I am supposed to…
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Your Grandparents Have Sex
I’m sorry, but you can’t parade around, looking like pokemon, with your scrawny, hairy boyfriend, who, by the way, bears a striking resemblance to the guy who works at my neighbourhood video store, on a leash, and expect me to keep a straight face. Last night I performed in a burlesque show that was part…
The Anatomy Of A Bad Boy (Dear Jack)
A piece of a conversation between my alter-ego and her friend, Jack: Dearest Jack, Let me help you understand women a little tiny bit. *Your observations are correct, in that it is true that many (too) MANY women are plagued with the heinous and heartbreaking (both to women and the nice-boys who love them ) addiction to the…
Massage And Other Forms Of Physical Assault
So I thought I’d give them a second chance… you know, in case we just didn’t get off on the right foot or something… Before anything else, I told the woman at the desk that I was using a gift certificate and that the tip had been paid in advance, to avoid any stressful argument…
Massages And Other Stress Inducing Intimacies
The massage was inconsistent. Not that I am a connoisseur of these sorts of things. I’ve only ever had one before and due to my inability not to personalize absolutely everything, I spent most of it weeping tears of shame while leaking breast milk all over the massage table. That was years ago, and my…
I’m Cheating On You And Other Forms Of Useless Blackmail
Me: So are you coming over tonight? Boyfriend: I have to keep working on this track for blah blah blah and I have to polish up the sample pack for boodittybooblahbooregefad and… Me: I know this isn’t the best time to tell you but I’m cheating on you and I’m sorry but I am probably not going to…
Radioshow – MF Daisy Songbook Concert
One more sleep until MF Daisy’s Songbook Concert, Radioshow! Come join us for an afternoon of song and dance and all kinds of awesome! Also, for those of you who wanted to pledge a donation there are only a few short hours left to do it. All proceeds from the show go to Dignity…
Serendipity Looks Good Too!
Serendipity NEVER happens to me but I’m telling you people, I’m on a roll! First I’m visualizing community, now I’m manifesting French interior decorating. Honestly, does it get any better? On my (vision) Please Universe-Cut-Me-A-Break-And-Let-Me-Live-Large-Board I posted my dream couch: …
Student Gets Expelled For Telling Teacher to Suck HER Penis Via Facebook… or Does She?
One of my 13 illegitimate children posted a video of some of her classmates smoking pot on YouTube. This was allegedly brought to one of her teacher’s attention. This lead to probing said child’s YouTube channel where *Gasp* teachers found a video that was filmed ON SCHOOL PROPERTY of students…. Playing basketball!!! DUM DUM!!…
And, while I didn’t think it possible, I’ve definitely gotten even sexier than I already was.
So I promised I’d post an update today, as premature as it may be, a week and a half after my love affair with Zumba commenced. I’m pleased to announce that the relationship is still going strong. I haven’t lost any weight, I gained 3 but I’m sure it’s all pure muscle because… just because. While in…