So hypothetically speaking…. If I had been left Pet-Sitting while somebody was away on vacation, basking in the sunshine, splashing around in the ocean waves, frolicking about like a floozy (no doubt) through the streets of some adorable little beach town, somewhere just far enough away that she probably can’t even remember my name, let…
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The Almost Littlest Hobo
What? I’m only 5’2″ – Which makes me, at least by German or Swedish standards, pretty little for a fully grown woman. Of course I come from neither German nor Swedish lineage, but French – which makes me average at best, and Italian, which basically makes me amazonian. It’s all a matter of perspective really….
Who’s That Girl?
This week I have been inhabiting the body, mind and soul of pretty much any leading lady in the first half of any Hollywood romantic comedy. You know the one. She’s quirky and silly looking but potentially attractive. She’s disorganized, working an unfulfilling and underpaid dead-end job, while pining away for fame or her dream…
And By Music I Mean Breasts
I’d be lying if I told you that there are no parts of my body that I hate. I’d be lying if I told you that there are any parts of my body that I love. But my perspective is skewed. And I hold very high double standards. When I was young (and by young I mean…
Your body is a temple and I feel like kicking your temple down a flight of stairs
In other news, My mom fell down a flight of stairs a couple of days ago, banging her head on a stone wall and falling unconscious. She is concussed, her head is being held together by 6 giant staples and she has fractured her neck. “I’m just so grateful that it’s not any…
A Stepford Kind Of Love
A Stepford Kind Of Love That very morning I received a text from a friend in despair, who is being bullied at work. That morning that I gave the super zen all-embracing, all-loving advice: “Take deep breaths, remember why you are important, and do a Love-Sending-Meditation for that sad gossipy lady. Put out positive energy….
I’m not impressed
So in the spirit of yesterday’s post, I have decided not to retaliate violently against winter, by killing it. What I am doing, is diplomatically demonstrating my feelings. Civilly expressing my sentiments. Peacefully protesting winter. By giving up walking my dog until Spring. And I thought you all should know.
Dear Québec, Grow The F#@K Up!
That’s right, I’m heading for the danger zone here and I really don’t give a shit who hates me, judges me, or unfriends me on stupid facebook by the time I make it out. On that ragey note, let’s start with a charming little Once Upon A Time, shall we? 15 years ago, I was…
Oh, Were you sleeping?!?!?
Here are some things that I have learned recently: If you have the energy to whine all over facebook about your symptoms, it’s not the Flu. It’s a cold. If you can see through your bloodshot eyes, because they don’t feel like they are full of shards of glass and/or they don’t spontaneously combust at…
Resoluting And Things
I was going to check my 2013 resolutions to see if I actually accomplished any of them, before making new ones for this year but as it turns out, I was seemingly still working on 2012 at the time, because the list is nowhere to be found. Luckily, not much has changed and I…