Why don’t you tell us how you really feel?
Actually.
All of you people who keep posting memes and “inspirational” quotes over sunsets and any other pretty package you can find for the passive aggressive crap that you wish you were brave enough to say to people but aren’t – so you plaster it all over your instagram and facebook and twitter feeds.
You people.
When you post a picture of a diamond with a quote like
“Honesty is an expensive gift, don’t expect it from cheap people”
You make me feel like a voyeur.
I’m overhearing you trying to tell somebody that they hurt you and it’s making me really uncomfortable.
I don’t understand why you feel like posting a stock photo of a waterfall with a proverb about toxic friendships seems like a better idea to you than just picking up the phone and telling your friend to pay you back that $50 that she forced you to spend on bottle service at the club the other night, when you were clearly already too drunk to drink any of it.
I do understand that in doing that, you’re trying to appear empowered and liberated so that who ever your cryptic status is directed at will regret ever doing whatever they did or didn’t do
(lying, cheating, leaving you, not remembering your name, getting a restraining order etc…)
But it’s not working and here’s why:
If it was in their newsfeed, 1 of 2 things happened when they saw it.
1.
They didn’t care enough to wonder who lied to you, let alone assume that it was them –
or 2
They knew right away that you were talking about them and they felt grossed out and wished they could unfriend you but knew that if they did, you would find some other equally or more annoying way to make their skin crawl – so they just clicked “see fewer posts from this person”.
Or called your parole officer and reported you.
And if the person you’re “talking” to didn’t see it, it’s probably because they clicked “see fewer posts from this person” a few days ago, when you posted that picture of a sad clown face with the caption
“I will always be yours… even when you don’t want me”
Here’s the thing.
You’re getting on my nerves. Seriously. You’re ruining my facebook experience and probably that of most of your friends.
But there’s a tiny little piece of me that feels sorry for you. So I’ve decided to help.
If you INSIST on airing your dirty laundry on social media,
if you insist on exploiting the public medium of the interweb for your self-expression, do it creatively and honestly.
You don’t know how? No problem. I’m here to help.
Start with baby steps. You don’t have to come right out and plaster the words
“I hate you, why did you sleep with my sister you dirtbag?” across the glistening pebbles of a trickling forest creek at dawn.
For your first genuine meme, at least try saying what it is you’re thinking. Even if it’s not entirely direct.
I have taken it upon myself to create these examples to inspire you:
Now you try.
Once you’ve gotten comfortable with your less cryptic yet still passive aggressive memes,
start testing the waters with more direct messages. Too soon to get personal with a loved one? That’s okay. Try a neighbour or an acquaintance first.
Maybe something a little bit like this:
How did that feel? Good. Now try a friend or family member:
Excellent!
Now go for it! Tell us how you really feel:
Nice! Again!
Okay, wow! Well done!
Okay gross. Thats not exactly what I meant but sure… if thats what you’re feeling.
I am super proud of you guys. High fives all around.
Please feel free to post your memes in the comment box bellow.
I’ll give gold stars and send presents to everyone who does.
I just want to clarify, in case it wasn’t clear at the beginning of this post, before the barrage of cryptic statuses about what a hypocritical meme-hater I am starts flooding my newsfeed,
that I’m not talking about genuine inspirational quotes or reminders we post to ourselves and our friends about how amazing we are or life is, or hang in there, get zen etc…
I’m talking about straight up attention seeking hostile vaguebooking disguised as gentle words of wisdom.
And for those of you who have decided that this post is an offensive indirect and passive aggressive message directed at you and you alone, and are planning your revenge on me at the same time as you read this…
