If you’re bored, you’re boring

If you’re bored, you’re boring

Dear Jennifer June,

I follow you on Instagram, Facebook and twitter. You seem so down to earth and fun, even now, during this global disaster. I don’t know how you do it!

Sorry for writing about something so depressing, I’m sure you have more interesting things to do than read this, but I’m having a hard time coping with this whole Corona Virus thing and you’re basically my idol and there’s nobody’s advice I would cherish more than yours at a time like this.

It’s hard enough living alone in this 3 story house, with nobody to talk to but my extraordinarily independent, mute, non-shedding, hypoallergenic cat, and nothing to do but play my baby grand piano, cook in my Wolfgang Puck inspired kitchen, and watch the plants in the solarium grow, without having to try to make sense of all the contradicting political and public service announcements on the news – on top of it all.

How do you stay so grounded and levelheaded during this crisis?

Anxious and alone, with nobody to share any of my wine with,
Samantha

P.S. I love your hair like that. You’re so pretty.

Dear Samantha,

Thank you so much for following me, and for your very kind words. I know that times like these can be very trying for anyone, and I honestly can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to have all that empty quiet space to occupy all by yourself. The solarium alone sounds dreadful. I don’t know if they will be of any use to you but here are 10 of the tools that have kept me calm, reflective and mentally grounded over the last few weeks.

  1. Regular exercise – At least 4 times a week (weight training, cardio, stretching etc.)
  2. Ritual – meditation, prayer, lighting candles, manifesting and projecting feelings of love and positivity for others, iChing, vision cards, visualizing acts of kindness etc…
  3. Weekly check-ins with a fabulous therapist who reminds me to honour all of my feelings and be true to myself.
  4. Minimum of 90 minutes daily gentle hand-picking of individual cat hairs out of every single inch of fabric/carpet/my body that I can find.
  5. Poking my lettuce seedlings with a chopstick several times a day to “check” if they’re growing.
  6. Robert Mondavi Private Selection Cabernet Sauvignon Bourbon Barrels
  7. Sartori Valpolicella Superiore
  8. True Zin Puglia
  9. Boisseaux-Estivant Réserve de la Chèvre Noire Bourgogne
  10. Santa Julia Biologique Cabernet-Sauvignon Mendoza

Hope this helps!

 JJC

Dear Jennifer June,

I’ve been to pretty much every single show you’ve ever done, and I love how funny you are. Everything you say on stage is so relatable even though you’re obviously cooler, smarter and prettier than me. I got 3 cats and 1 dog because of you and I named them Phoebe, Flo, Willow and Nina, just like yours! But not in a creepy way.

Anyway, enough about me, but not really because I’m writing to you about me, because this quarantine vibe has me so down, I can’t take it anymore. Ugh, Montreal is supposed to be the city of lights, or the city that never sleeps or whatever but I’m so lonely and bored, I literally almost thought about inviting my pharmacy delivery guy in for a drink yesterday when he came to deliver my topical rash ointment. You post the coolest stories on IG and you seem to be actually having fun. What do you do all day? How are you not dying of boredom right now?

PS Prescription guy – cute a f

Bored Becky 

Dear Bored Becky, 

Thank you so much for the kind words. I’m so glad you enjoy the shows. I’ll be honest with you Becky; I have never once been bored in my adult life. I am actually fortunate enough to be able to work from home at the moment. I also have many projects on the go at all times.   I love spending time with my family, listening to music, reading, and cooking. I also try to truly  savour the rare moments that I get to just sit back and relax, whether it’s in an Epsom salt bath, in a pile of blankets and cats (hair) on the sofa, or in a pool of my own nap drool /cry-orgasm-tears at the foot of the basement stairs.

I think that first, it’s important for you to ask yourself, are you truly bored? Or are you feeling something else. Possibly, what you’re feeling is avoidant. Maybe you’re trying to procrastinate.   Perhaps you’re simply paralyzed with terror because the whole world has the fucking plague and people are smashing into each other in the streets like a swarm of contagious germ feast zombies.

Or maybe you’re truly bored, Becky. And if you are….

Well, I don’t want to be the jerk who says “If you’re bored, you’re boring” but I am, and it’s true.

Seriously Becky, there are 22 different species of squirrel (in Canada) to post photographs of on Instagram,

165 shows on Netflix,

over 100 knitting stitches you can learn,

19054 different red wines at the SAQ,

millions of bananas that have not yet been baked into loaves of bread,

and 64 editions of Guinness World Records, compiling thousands of really fun, super safe feats for you attempt to break, from the comfort of your own home, including heaviest weight lifted by human beard, most apples crushed with the bicep and longest fingernails grown by a woman.

Hope this helps!

JJC


Dear Jen,

First:

You’re hilarious and I LOVE your dog.

Second:

I have a never-ending to-do list that I always say I don’t have enough time to tackle. Thanks to the global pandemic, I am currently unemployed and under quarantine, which means that I have all the time in the world. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I can’t seem to get my shit together and do any of the things on my list. I basically just scroll through Instagram, watch television, drink wine and bake cookies.

I feel so lazy, I’m even embarrassed to be sending this to you.

I mean, I know that this kind of life changing event is enough to cause anybody trauma and make them feel creatively blocked, if not paralyzed. And I get that I should try to be self-compassionate and realistic about what I my limitations are under these times of great stress, but I can’t help but feel a little bit guilty for not being able to do more.

Is there something wrong with me?

Shauna

Dear Shauna,

I think it’s super important to remember that despite all the extra time you might have on your hands, it can be difficult to find inspiration for anyone right now.

The fear of the unknown, being inundated with a storm of anxiety-inducing news and so much contradicting information that leaves us entirely confused as to whether to go for walks or not go for walks, wear masks or not wear masks, stay 6 feet from people or 6 meters from people etc… It’s a lot and can be really demotivating and even completely draining.

That having been said…

Get off the damn sofa and do the shit on your god damn list. If months go by and you come out of this with nothing done but 15 new pounds gained on your lazy ass, you’re going to fucking hate yourself.

Study your damn Italian, post the dumplings on your vegan web site and do those stupid stair push-ups every stupid day or you will keep crying every time you can’t do more than 10 of them.

Oh! And write your book already!!!

You have time to send 86 memes back and forth with your kids and post pictures of squirrels on Instagram every single day, sew 4 pairs of pyjamas, bake cookies you don’t want to eat, watch every single episode of Game of Thrones in under 2 weeks, set up a photography corner in the basement that you don’t use, and try all 19054 different red wines they sell at the SAQ, meditate, pray, light candles, manifest and project feelings of love and positivity for others, throw the iChing, pull vision cards, and visualize acts of kindness, and write not 1, not 2, but 3 drippy whiney love songs that you’ll never let anybody hear because they’re “not funny”, “not done”, and “not good enough”, but you can’t write a single chapter for your book? Are you kidding me right now? Jen seriously! Get it the fuck together.

Hope this helps!

PS My dog smells like rotting Doritos.

JJC