Open your whore mouth?

Interview generated by Aunt Becky of Mommy Wants Vodka

Ok, so Aunt Becky over at Mommy wants Vodka is doing a giveaway and to be entered you have to complete this interview. I am entering for two reasons, one being that it gives me a chance to say Aunt Becky at least 3 times in one post and I really need you all to know how ridiculously hilarious and awesomely talented she is, so go to her site and take it all in.
The second reason of course being that as most of you know, although I have never actually ever won anything in my life, I remain highly competitive and would enter this contest even if the prize was a kick in the knee.

1) Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream?

Gross. No. But if it’s soft serve there is no point eating it unless it is dipped in chocolate.

2) If you had to choose one word to banish from the English language, what would it be and why?

I’m not sure if I hate any one word enough to banish it entirely. Although there are some that really gross me out, like crust, phlegm
and do you have my rent cheque yet…

If my daughter were to banish a word it would be polenta because “It sounds like placenta and that’s all I can think about when
I hear the word”. Yes, I’ve considered putting her in therapy but it’s expensive and I’m not done messing her up yet.

3) If you were a flavor, what would it be?

Is awesome a flavour? If it’s not it really should be. if I were a flavour it would taste like New York Cheesecake and smell like cherry pipe tobacco. Scoff if you must but were it were real it would be a delicacy, an acquired taste, if you will.

4) What’s the most pointless annoying chore you can think of that you do on a daily/weekly basis?

See #8.
Just kidding…
Most chores are pointless and annoying when you know that all three of your kids, the dog and the neighbour’s cat are going to mess up, destroy, eat, undo or pee on whatever you have accomplished aren’t they?

5) Of all the nicknames I’ve ever had in my life, Aunt Becky is the most widely known and probably my favorite. What’s your favorite nickname? (for yourself)

Nicknames I have had include, bongos, Jem, Jenny-Pooh, Lammy (don’t ask), Chapstick and Jeff. Although Jeff isn’t bad, they all kind of make me wish my name had been Angel or Sabrina.

6) You’re stuck on a desert island with the collective works of 5 (and only five) musical artists for the rest of your life. Who are they?

Odetta, Men at work, Cat Empire, Paco De Lucia, The Stranglers and Nashville Pussy

7) Everything is better with bacon. True or false?

False… but I have to say, most things are better with chocolate and many things are pretty damn good stuffed in a Tofurky.

8 ) If I could go back in time and tell Young Aunt Becky one thing, it would be that out of chaos, order will emerge. Also: tutus go with everything. What would you tell young self?

I would tell myself that if I don’t do it somebody else will and that knowing me I will then have to hate them and seethe with jealousy for the rest of their mortal life so it’s probably best if I just go ahead and do it while idea is still ripe.

I would also tell my pre-teen self not worry about whether or not she will give good blow jobs when she finally has a boyfriend because as it turns out, most men, when asked (and I do ask) to recount the story of the worst blow job they have ever had, will screw up their face and look at you like your crazy saying… “what’s a bad blow job?”

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