Control versus Chinese Food

Control versus Chinese Food


The pros to being a single parent include an entire category labeled CONTROL.

I’m not ashamed to admit it. Having control makes parenting so much easier.

I don’t mean actual control over your children or their behaviour, I’m not that delusional.
I mean control of parenting them.

Also, there is a certain truth about the saying if you want something done right, do it yourself.
My daughter cut her hand when she was 4 years old. It wasn’t serious so I sent my husband to the hospital with her, to get her tetanus shot.

5 hours later they returned.

“How was the needle sweetie? Were you brave?”
“There was no needle, they didn’t give her one.”
“WHAT? WHY?”
“They said we don’t have rabies in Montreal.”
“Rab… please be joking”
“What?”

You have control over what they eat…

“because… hot dogs aren’t protein and she’s a vegetarian!”

And, if ever (heaven forbid) you break up…

“That is a lovely necklace sweetie. So who exactly is Elizabeth and why did daddy bring you to her house for a sleepover last night?”

At the same time…

Who else will stand in their bedroom doorway with you just to watch them sleep?

Who else will refer to the dog as one of the kids?

“Go get your sister’s leash and take her out back to poop”

Who else will endure the inevitable boredom of the School Christmas concert, snickering and making mean jokes with you about other parents and their children yet share a tear while your own child stands there disheveled and awkward, crooked bangs and missing teeth, singing Angels We Have Heard On High (horrifically off key) for the 4th year in a row?

Who else will force the kids to pick flowers, make you waffles and glue macaroni picture frames for mother’s day?

Don’t get me wrong, I get that I might be idealizing a little. I was on a team for years and it wasn’t all roses and rainbows. A few birthdays were overlooked, a few differences of opinion were had…

“yes… yes that is cheating.”

or

“Um.. actually, I said NO to getting a dog”

and…

“Yes it is, even over the internet, it most certainly is cheating.”

and even…

“I don’t know, maybe because it cost almost $30,000.00 and I feel like that’s something we could have discussed BEFORE you bought it”

It’s just kind of nice to know that,
when your kids are huffing and puffing, stripping you of your dignity and deflating your parental ego, there is somebody else on your team.

“Wanna go hide under the bed and see how long it takes them to find us?”

Or that when you come home after being on the road for days, somebody will have put the kids to bed, rented a movie and ordered Chinese…

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