9 reasons to call happy hour about 3 hours early

1 knee injury
2 blood tests this morning
3 kids out of the house for the day
4 people accusing me of having a corn fetish today (don’t ask)
5 days left to figure out what I need to pack, find it and pack it.
6 days until Barcelona
7 days of working out like a powerhouse before injuring my knee
8 times I called jillian Michaels a sadistic !@#$% before giving up
9 reasons to call happy hour about 3 hours early
10 billion things to get done before the end of the day.

Friend 1: “Hang in there Baby. Sounds like a bevy or 2 (or 10) may just be in order”

Me: “Technically as long as it’s after 11am it’s not too early to start right?”

Friend 2: “RIGHT!”

Me: “Also… I think if you have kids that bumps it up to 10am… plus bonus minutes for teethers, diapers and teenagers so… we’re talking like 8:30am-ish?”

It’s like you can almost see the life draining straight from the bottle and back into my eyes… should I be worried?

Jennifer June

Ass Whoopin’

I’m tired of being sick and uncomfortable. I’m tired of joint pain and bizarre rashes and turning into a science experiment for the eyes, whenever I walk out into the sun.
I remember it only vaguely, but I want to feel good again.

My doctor says I’m “Lupusy”
“That’s neither a disease nor an adjective” I remind her.
“Well I don’t want to label you… yet”
“I’ve been called some pretty lame and even down right nasty things in my life, but I think I prefer all of that
over Lupusy.”
“Just go home and live your life” She tells me, “and call me every time you get a new symptom”

Um… no.

I’m not going to just go home to live this life. This constant pain and discomfort life, this looking like a dermatological freak-show life. This “where did half my hair go?” life.

I’m taking control of my life.

I already eat about 90% Vegan, whole grain almost everything, Maybe one soy latté a week, two max. I cut wayyyyyyyy back on alcohol, I’m in bed by 11pm every night and I still feel like crap.

SO, naturally, I decided this Lupusy feeling needs a royal ass whoopin’ and that it’s about time I show it who’s boss.

I decided to exercise away all this miserable feeling. I downloaded legally purchased 3 Jillian Michaels (of The Biggest Loser) DVD’s and got to work. I have chosen to alternate on a 3 day rotation for optimum effect.

Day One: I did the easiest version and was drowning in a pool of my own sweat. Brilliant as I am, choosing the day that it is 35 degrees outside to begin my new homemade fitness boot-camp. I got a terrible head ache but I felt better… in an exhausted, semi-delirious, totally nauseous kind of a way.
Considering posting photos of my awesome journey but scared that if I do I’ll have to actually commit to this for more than a week and also tell everyone how much I weigh. Boring.

Day Two: I was stiff and sore but still doing great for the first two circuits until… I don’t know what happened.
She was making us do planks, which really hurt my wrists which, in turn, made me hate my body, which in turn, hurt my own feelings and, well, it just got ugly from there. I literally started crying through the workout, muttering abusive comments at myself.

Meanwhile Jillian is coaching…

Jillian: “Don’t phone this one in”
Me: “I won’t, sniffle, sob”
Jillian “remember why you’re doing this”
me: “OK, whimper, drool” I heave myself onto my back, writhing like a whale on dry land, for a round of double crunches.

My dog looks on with concern, clearly wondering if I’ve finally lost it.

Jillian: “If you need an easier version, just…”
Me: “I’m fine” I snap at the television,
” I can do this….” I reassure myself, wiping snot on my trembling shoulder.

Day Three: Pretty much all I have to say is
*Ouch* Jillian, you sadistic monster *F#@*k* what the hell are you trying to do to me? *#$%#^^@*
and also…

Yeay! Look at me taking control of my *ouch damn it* destiny! Whoot!

Jennifer June