I used to wonder why I was single…

So… I used to wonder why I was single for all those years and then tripped over an email correspondence with a boy I met through an online dating service. If this was my way of flirting I guess I didn’t really stand a chance did I?
It’s a wonder I trapped the guy I have now. Then again, we didn’t speak the same language when we met, I imagine that helped.

National Masturbation Advocacy Coalition
962, rue Sainte-Catherine Ouest
Montreal Quebec
H@B 1E3

Re: File #3264769
Attention: Mr. Steve A. Cobgobblerr, Chief Demonstrator

It has come to our attention that you may be under the impression that
you were somehow being wrongfully accused of thought crime.
I would like first to inquire as to whether you had to hunt day and
night for the enclosed quote, or if you keep it on hand at all times as
a means of justification, in the event of an emergency.
I would like to assure you Mr. Cobgobblerr that we, here at


support your cause whole heartedly. I would also like to remind you of
the hefty donation made by our staff just last Christmas. I add also, in
case you had forgotten, It was my colleagues and I who first petitioned
for the Stat Holiday that (thanks to us) enables every North American to enjoy
Weekly National Self Gratification Day. I understand your department has been
under a tremendous amount of stress due to the thorough investigations and repeated audits that you are
currently enduring, but please, take a moment to think before jumping to
Jennifer Chapman

Shellout Credit Systems Ltd
2227 St-Catherine ouest,
Montreal, Quebec,
H2theY 1H9


In reply to: The Relevance of deposit 29290
National Masturbation Advocacy Coalition 962,
St-Catherine W.
Montreal Quebec H@B 1E3 (514) 8@5-15@2
Attention: Accounts Payable
To Whom It May Concern:
Subject: Response of our organization to your position

We here at scs feel that maybe our intentions were misconstrued by your organization.

The quote you mentioned in your previous letter was, as previously requested, part of our research for your ongoing campaign.

It is hard for us to understand the relevance of your most recent communication with us.
It would be advisable in the future if this sort of miscommunications between our organizations is to happen again to have a joint contingency plan full of double talk and non committal statements just so we can play with the big boys down at the chamber of commerce.

As far as we are concerned this payment is still due and the matter is not closed.
Steven A. Cobgobblerr
Shellout Credit Systems Ltd

SFW Canadian Institute of Psychiatry
696, rue Saint-Catherine Ouest
Montréal, QC H@B 1B9

Mr. Cobgobblerr,
This letter has been forwarded to inform you that we have recently
received a copy of an email correspondence between yourself and Ms.
Jennifer Chapman.
While your letters prompted great concern for your health and personal
well being, they have also provided us with the opportunity to offer you
some information that should prove to be of great benefit to you.
Our institute is currently conducting a short, highly confidential
study of financially burdened, sexually repressed, neurotic, borderline
psychotic males with low ego strength and poor reality testing aged
18-35 who have significant social anxiety, labile mood and
moderate-to-high alcohol consumption. Eligible participants will receive
$40, a bag of 10 pairs of pre-owned, off-white tube socks and a $12.00
Pharmaprix gift certificate for 4-5 hours of interviews and testing. The
study also includes follow up therapy sessions and a 6 month membership
to The Montreal Soaring Council.
Please call immediately upon receipt of this letter, to confirm a
pre-interview assessment.

Sincerely, Dr. Dick Munchandrun

Jennifer June