We have mould.
We have mould and that means that my favourite room in the house:
A moment of silence please.
We have mould in the basement and it stinks and it’s giving me a sore throat and congestion.
I was terrified (of course) that since I didn’t realize what it was until I’d been in the room organizing for an hour that I had given myself some sort of life threatening fungal disease of the lungs.
I’ve since thoroughly educated myself on all the ins and outs of house fungi and alternate between the three voices in my head.
#1: Oh my god it’s happening, I feel faint.
#2: You haven’t eaten anything all day.
#3: Well, it’s possible you have a lung infection but it’s so rare that…
#1: OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY? I have a lung infection??
#2: Eat something you moron.
#3: I’m just saying…
#2: Well don’t.
#1: What? What were you saying? Tell me! Oh my god am I dying? I can’t breathe.. I can’t breathe..*commence Hyperventilation*
#2: Jesus Christ…
Mould is not healthy. It makes you feel sick and I happen to be allergic to it so when emptying the contents of the mould affected room I took every precaution.
I tried my very best to maintain composure and a sense of mindfulness while packing 11 industrial size bags of my boas, fans, feathers, sequins, fringe, tassels, costumes, art supplies, sewing stuff, fabric flowers, pasties and hair accessories to be thrown in the *breathe* garbage.
And I made a little pile of things I desperately want to keep on my back balcony.
Although my sister (who just happens to have professional experience in this very sort of thing) has since informed me that the peacock feather wreath must, on no uncertain terms, be tossed in the trash. I may cry. Just saying…
Tune in tomorrow for the continuing saga of Mould Busters and learn how much of the keep pile got tossed, how the mould is apparently all my fault and why I fantasize about throwing the landlady off a very tall cliff!