Recovering A Sense Of Safety

I am , for the 6th time, attempting to complete Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way.

Week One was Recovering A Sense Of Safety, which I breezed through problem-free.

Week Two was Recovering A Sense Of Identity, which, interestingly enough, unearthed great feelings of insecurity and the sense of feeling… for lack of a better word, unsafe.

I didn’t experience these feelings during any of the other other 13 times I did these exercises.

What’s different?

Aside from being older, wiser and much much sexier now, I’m pretty much the same person I was then. Aren’t I?

I mean sure, I was more naive then, more optimistic, more open-minded perhaps.

But now, now I’m a grounded, confident, self-assured, smarter and much much sexier woman. So what gives?

Don’t get me wrong. I have gained some really valuable tools and have been 1200 time more productive in the last week than I have in about a billion years.

I did two awesome exercises in the last week that are so simple it’s stupid.

They opened up a whole world for me and I think you should try it too.

Write down ten tiny things that you would like to change in your life.

example:

1. Paint the bathroom
2. Pair the socks in the Orphan Sock Basket
3. Call Tim about borrowing his nose hair trimmer
4. Have Sad Surprised-Clown eyebrows permanently tattooed on my forehead
5. Buy an African Violet
6. Host a F^&%erware party
7. Start a Tublr page on which you will post daily ONLY about Brad Pitt, Italian deserts and this guy:


8.Start Meatless Mondays
9.Get dishwasher fixed
10. Sign up for Tango lessons

Choose one thing from the list and do it. That’s it! Easy peasy.

The second exercise is:

20 Things I enjoy doing.

1.Cooking
2.Singing
3.Sewing
4.Sex
5.Walks on the beach
6.Ice Skating
7.Abusing my children
8.Adopting stray animals
9.Watching Animal Planet and crying
10.Crying
11.Ghost humping strangers on the Metro when they’re not looking
12.Baking cookies
13.Learning new languages
14.Replying to spam emails
15.Going to the movies
16.Playing music with people
17.Creating wikipedia pages for mythical creatures
18.Travelling
19.Signing my boyfriend up to volunteer for organizations he despises.
20.Drinking wine

Next to each activity, write down the date you last did it.

1.Last night
2.Last night
3.Three months ago
4.Five days ago
5.Two years ago
6.Thirty years ago
7.Continuously
8.Two weeks ago
9.Two weeks ago
10.Five days ago (on a dare)
11.Two days ago
12.One month ago
13.Four years ago
14.One year and 3 months ago
15.Two months ago
16.Three weeks ago
17.Never (yet)
18.A few months ago
19.This morning
20.Now

Choose the activity that calls out to you the most. Schedule a day and time to do it.
Choose the activity dated the farthest in the past. Schedule a day and time to do it.

That’s all! How easy is that?

There were some really hard exercises too. Exercises that brought up a little package of emotions that I wasn’t expecting to face.

I’m guessing this is what led to me laying in bed , eyes wide open half of Wednesday night – the little hamster ball in my head bashing from one lobe to the other…

Oh god, I haven’t even put a costume together yet and the show is in 2 days and I can’t even remember the lyrics and oh my god what are the lyrics and I have 10 songs to finish before April and the dishes aren’t done and I have to pee again and it’s like the 12th time tonight and I probably have a bladder infection and the back door isn’t locked and the dryer is still running and breathe Jen, breathe, this isn’t healthy and you need to calm down and if you don’t you’ll get sick and this is probably how you got sick last time and everything is fine and the rent is paid and the gas is paid and oh my god the hydro bill is massive and I will never get that paid and shhhhhh feel your toes, do you feel your toes and breath and yes and no and OH MY GOD! my toe is asleep again and what the hell is that and does anybody elses toe fall asleep for no reason and I probably have diabetes or MS or and how is it even possible that I haven’t gone ice skating once as an adult and what kind of mother doesn’t skate with her kids and I’ve ruined them for life and now its too late and breathe….

Maybe this keen self-awareness isn’t all it’s cracked up to be…

I hope next week’s Chapter is Re-Recovering a Sense of Sedation Safety.

Jennifer June

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