It’s not that I actually believe that my life is actually all that interesting to read about.
I’m basically just counting on at least one of my three readers to be seriously procrastinating or painfully bored enough to actually be following me on the self-imposed 12-day-post challenge I have so generously volunteered for.
And if there is one of you, I can pretty much guarantee that reading the mundane play-by-play of the trials and tribulations of daily life in the world of Jennifer June will either bore you straight to death, finally putting you out of your misery, or, help you realize that your life isn’t nearly as uneventful as you thought it was.
And maybe, just maybe, I might also be secretly hoping that one of you is
as lame as I am a kindred spirit so I can feel like I reached somebody’s soul. So that you’ll be all…
“OMG, she totally gets me, I’m not alone! Seriously, it’s like we’re the same person! I need so much more of her in my life, it’s not funny. I can’t breathe without this girl!”
You know… just like that. Only, without the OMG part because I would never say OMG. That shit is right up there with lol, and seriously annoying.
Yesterday I rang in the second day of the new year by practicing Zen and acceptance and what I’m pretty sure is the 10th Commandment:
“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour’s.”
And while I may have fallen short in the neighbour’s wife, manservant, maideservant, ox, and ass department. I swear, not once did I covet anybody else’s house yesterday.
Also, I almost didn’t even covet the brand new iPad that Franky forced me to watch him buy for himself last night. Almost.
Yep, even though my computer is made out of flint and the bones of an actual triceratops, and it gives me error messages about updating my software and my operating system and my wardrobe every time I so much as look at it…
Even though I’ve wanted an iPad since the internet was still just a glint in Vannevar Bush’s mom’s ovary…
I sweetly and patiently watched on while my brat-face boyfriend purchased an iPhone and an iPad, without so much as an audible WHIMPER.
Partially because I’m amazing and also the best cheerleader ever
“Buy it! Buy it! Buy it!”
and mostly because the sales clerk was adorable.
Me: She’s so cute!
Franky: You think everybody’s cute.
Translation: Are you ever not in heat??
Me: Not true! I saw an ugly person just yesterday!
Translation: There’s at least one person in this mall I wouldn’t mount…
So basically, I was pretty much an angel, even though it took forevvvver. I didn’t even lay on the floor and spin in circles or anything.
And even after Franky peeled me off “Veronique’s” face and we left the boutique, I jumped up and down with joy and tried really hard to convince him to accessorize his new cell.
He was typically uncooperative and refused to by the Swarosvski encrusted Bieber Fever skin but hey, I tried.
Oh hey! And guess what else I didn’t covet yesterday! The souvenir that Franky bought himself on his Japanese tour.
You probably don’t get the full beauty of this hat from the illustration on the box, and I’m out of threats with which to inspire another photo so I’ll just tell you that it’s a cap that you strap on your head.
It has Velcro strips on it.
It comes with fuzzy fabric turds.
At your head.
It’s now day 3 of January 2013 and I am still in awe of how amazing I am so I’d say the new year is looking pretty bright so far.
I’m continuing to work my way backwards through the commandments in trying really hard not to bear false witness against my neighbor at the moment and it’s going well I think.
Tomorrow is going to be tough though…