In A Court Of Law

Arguing with stupid people is lame.

When you say something brilliant, quick witted and evil, designed to shut the average intelligent human being right the hell up – a stupid crazy person only gets derailed for about 3 seconds and then just keeps on babbling and ranting at you as though you didn’t say anything at all.

SO Unsatisfying.

All that natural brilliance wasted.

Between the landlady, the principal at my daughter’s school and a handful of other incidents, including watching footage of the recent demonstrations here in Montréal, my deep routed desire to study law was reignited over the past few weeks.

Seriously.

Imagine, arguing with smart people. As a job. How cool would that be?

And also, instead of arguing with stupid people, you could just stare at them and say “I’M A LAWYER” which I’m pretty sure translates (at least to stupid people) as “I’m smarter than you – Shut up.”

For a few minutes, an invigorating rush pulsed through my entire body, while contemplating it, as though I was physically acting out my epiphany.

That’s it. I thought. I am going to law school. I am a lwayer. I can feel it in my blood.

Is this real? Am I committed? Or is this merely a symptom of my early-onset dementia? I do not know but it’s nothing new.

I fantasized throughout my 20′s and 30′s about becoming a Lawyer but I felt superstitious about it. Like if I became a lawyer I’d be giving up on my music and writing. Also, as I have mentioned a few times, I really do have the memory of a goldfish, which I used to mistake for a lack of intelligence.

Silly me.

Oh yeah and also, my baby brother graduated from NYU Law last year and he’s a brainiac and I’m not sure whatever matchbook law degree I could afford would hold up at the Christmas dinner table.

What are you talking about Jen? You should totally be a lawyer! – is clearly what you’re all thinking – I mean, your natural ability to annihilate people in a single (albeit run-on) sentence is jaw-dropping, to say the least.

Your eloquence with passive-aggressive flippancy when stating the obvious is breath-taking really!

Oh, stop. And thank you. You’re all too kind.

While all of that is so true, I suspect that secretly, part of the reason I wanted to be a lawyer was so people would think I was intelligent and grown-up and tough – in case the survival of single parenting 3 savage teenage daughters isn’t evidence enough.

Of course, there’s also the part where I enjoy (perhaps more than I should) saying the words “In a court of law” .

I already say it as often as I can find the occasion to but feel it might carry more weight were I actually in possession of some sort of paperwork deeming worthy.

I don’t know where this yearning will lead me in life.

To the LSAT or to simply subscribing to more channels on cable so I can watch even more re-runs of Law And Order…

Jennifer June

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