I single-handedly raised 3 , count ‘em, 3 evil yet gorgeous, smart, talented and brilliantly funny children, a dog a few fish, some frogs, a guinea pig and several stray cats.

Does anybody care?

Nope!

I won 2 blue participation ribbons and an ice cream sandwich in the Grade 2 sports day when I was 7 years old.

Does anybody know who I am?

Nope!

I’ve been performing since I was 8 stinkin’ years old! I’ve been singing and acting and burlesquing and flirting and writing and blogging and begging people to read my blog and shmoozing and faking and fawning for FREAKING EVER!!

Am I famous?

Nope!

But guess who is…

Châteauguay Québec’s pride and joy, Rick Genest! That’s who!

Why? Well, let me tell you why…

Once upon an adolescent crisis, young Ricky thought it would be cool to tattoo himself from head to toe as a decomposing corpse

“The art of a rotting cadaver” as he calls himself.

Apparently corpsy (that’s my new name for him) was homeless *GASP* for some time which is nothing less than shocking considering

A) the employment rate in Montreal is so freaking fantastic and

B) Who in God’s name wouldn’t give a job to a dude with rot-face permanently etched into his visage?

At any rate, for whatever reason, somebody created a Facebook fan page dedicated to “Rico, Zombie Boy’s” ink which, low and behold, ultimately led to being discovered by Lady Gaga’s Fashion Director Nicola Formichetti and subsequently cast in her Born This Way video.

Despite the fact that Genest was only just a moment ago panhandling in the streets of Montreal, begging for beer money and being sneered at by the locals, a flash in a lady Gaga video later, he is the talk of Paris and the fashion world and tagged “The tattooed dream-boy”.

Seriously?

Seriously.

Apparently he is a circus performer but when I saw him interviewed on Much Music his only proof was hammering a nail up his nose which we’ve all seen the kids in the back alley do a billion times but who knows…

Bashing the Rickster isn’t important here anyway. What’s important is that he is famous and I am not.

What’s important here is that if I had just ignored my parent’s sound advice and followed my true passion to become a living art installment of decomposing waste maybe Lady Gaga would have picked me and she and I would be best friends (after she says sorry to me for that whole meat-dress thing) and maybe somebody who wasn’t my mom might actually be reading my blog!

And Gags, honey… you do know he wasn’t born this way.

Right?