Girl talk

Sometimes I want to share with you guys girly shit I’m going through but I’m scared to simultaneously obliterate my macho image I’ve worked so hard to construct and bore you to tears.

I think it’s called girl talk.

By girl talk. I don’t mean bitching about my friends behind their backs (not that they’d know mind you, those bitches NEVER read my blog anyway).

I don’t mean like cry at you that I have a migraine and that my cramps are so bad it feels like my uterus is trying to give birth to itself.

I don’t mean by whining at you that I walked into my boyfriend’s apartment in a corset, fishnets and pasties and he reacted by pouring himself a bowl of Quaker Harvest Crunch and asking me if I want to see the new vinyls he got in the mail.

I do mean like telling you about how If I don’t find 6 pounds of chocolate and wash it down with a gallon of red wine in the next 4 minutes I might implode.

I do mean like telling you that yesterday I took one of those gross “Before” photos of myself in my underwear and told myself that if I don’t lose a trillion pounds in the next month I’m divorcing myself.

I do mean like “HEY GUYS! Today is the fifth day that I worked-out this week and although I may have aggravated my tendinitis into a permanently broken shoulder, I’m really pretty proud of myself gawdddamnit!

I got my ass kicked (via DVD) by Michael Carson, Kili, Jillian Micheals and Tracy Anderson.

I Jogged on the bike trail on DeMaisonneuve 3 days this week, with the help of Girl Talk‘s killer album All day which came highly (and rightfully so) recommended as the best running album ever, by the lovely, gorgeous and fantastically fit Sheryl Yvette.

You can download the album HERE for free Which makes it even all that much more awesome.

Some of you may already know who Sheryl is and those of you who don’t should. I interviewed her for SWEET VEGAN a few months back and she is crazy inspiring, vegan and cute as a button.

If I can manage to stay motivated this time I’ll update my progress and maybe even get brave enough to include weight and measurements.

Maybe

But right now I’m off to find a glacier to wedge my shoulder into…

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March 16, 2012

Holy crap! I’m having way too much fun with these HILARIOUS (and by hilarious I mean AWESOME) Zumba DVDs!

I’m not kidding. I love them in all their cheesy glory.

I’ve been doing them for 3 days in a row now and I can’t get enough, I swear. I wish I could stay home all day every day and Zumba to my heart’s content.

I don’t care if the sets are so late 80′s they give me flash backs of roller skates, Avanti cigarettes and wake-ups chased with Beer beer.

I don’t care that all the participants in the video are doing the moves differently from one another.

I don’t even care that Beto Perez takes every occasion he can find, relevant or not, to show off his ridiculously amazing abs.

He can do whatever the hell he wants with that adorable accent of his because exercising has never been so awesome.

I try to love exercising, I really do but I find it so hard to stay motivated. There are a bunch of exercise videos that I find really effective but they aren’t fun and they’re full of things I don’t love – Like push-ups. I don’t love push-ups at all. Nope, not even a little bit. I don’t love jumping jacks or burpees either. I actually hate planking and I don’t love lunges even a little tiny bit.

But guess what I do love! Zumba!! I’m so totally in drooling, gushing, ogling, cooing, giddy love with it – I could lick it’s bum-hole in a very drunken night of passion and still gaze lovingly into its eyes the next morning.

That’s right, you heard me.

I love Zumba THAT much.

Not only do I love it being so fun and full of awesome, but I love it for inspiring me and getting me excited about getting into better shape.

In one week I’m updating Girl Talk with weight/inches lost or muscles and awesomeness gained or whatever.

That’s a promise I making right this damn minute — I’m so serious, I am even writing it in my agenda right this second.

*scribbling pen scratching on paper noises*

Now, it’s late. I’m going to go do some yoga, read some book and go to bed – where I will caress my lady bits – while fantasizing deeply and vividly about you know what.

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March 23rd 2012

So I promised I’d post an update today, as premature as it may be, a week and a half after my love affair with Zumba commenced.

I’m pleased to announce that the relationship is still going strong. I haven’t lost any weight, I gained 3 but I’m sure it’s all pure muscle because… just because.

While in measurement, I seemed to have lost an inch here and there, in all honesty, I can see that the inches have not been lost as much as they have migrated.

My butt seems to have started moving upward and is transforming itself into a lower-back shelf, which is fine with me because I am always looking for a place to put my water bottle while I exercise. The cats also find it a rather comfortable perch while I’m doing yoga so… it’s pretty much a win-win really.

And, while I didn’t think it possible, I’ve definitely gotten even sexier than I already was.

You know why?

Because I have the Zumba flowing and pumping passionately through my veins now.

And I won’t be deterred by evil sabotagers, like my rotten daughter who posted this on my facebook wall yesterday:

Which reminds me, is there an age limit to the orphans that Angel’s Cradle accepts or…

Alright, I have to go, there’s a DVD calling me from the living room as I right this “Jen! It’s Zumba time!” and the temptation is far too great to resist.

Tune in next week for another episode of Jen+Zumba – a healthy lifestyle change or a glorified form of escapism?

Who knows, maybe by then my ass will have transformed into a full size credenza by then!

Jennifer June

3 Comments

  • At 2011.06.24 15:45, Fernweher said:

    Dear JJ,
    I wanted to comment on your other articles but I didn’t see how I could. So I wanted to tell you, I LOVE this blog. Reading your last article made me want some coconut chocolate and Merlot for myself, and now you got me writing about preteen beauty scams! Thank you, and I will be back for more. I also hope I can comment on your future articles, and that I just missed the option!
    Fernweher´s last blog post ..America is Pro-Life…and Pro-Unplanned Pregnancy?

    • At 2011.10.06 01:58, Sara said:

      I Love your perfect honesty, i have a daughter as well now. Happy Thanksgiving without the massacre of a turkey Jen!!! Love Ya!!Sara

      • At 2013.09.14 14:57, Cliqo said:

        Hey, I wonder what insight you might have into transgender — any?

        (Required)
        (Required, will not be published)


        + 4 = eight

        Optionally add an image (JPEG only)