I’ve had a few stalkers in my time and honestly, it doesn’t usually bother me all that much. They’ve been relatively, for the most part, harmless.
Some of them send me love letters, pornographic poetry and gifts in the mail.
Some of them steal my photos from my web-site/facebook and re-post them on various forums.
Some of them have created facebook profies, pretending they are me.

And that’s okay.

In fact it’s even flattering sometimes.

I’m not going to lie. When I check my traffic tracker and I see that somebody googled the words

Jennifer June is hot or Damiana Dolce Naked.

I smile to myself.

But lately, lately I feel really annoyed and cyber-raped. And here’s why.

I have a stalker, who has been loyal for some time now, whose tone is really starting to piss me off.

A stalker who has gone from showing an interest to aggressively and obsessively hunting for incriminating evidence against me.

Stalker, you clearly hate me, yet you STILL hang out on my blog/web sites and google me regularly. What’s up with that? Why are you wasting your time and energy looking for more reasons to hate me?

Why don’t you google kittens and rainbows and sunsets and whatever other shit cheers you up and makes you feel like life is worth living?

Also, what exactly do you expect to find when you google this crap?

Are you looking for answers?

Just email me and ask. I’ll answer you honestly. I’m an open book.

Or read this blog. Everyone on the internet knows the intimate details of my life, from my favourite colour, to my hopes and dreams, to why I’ve stopped arguing with my esthetitican when she insists on waxing off all of my pubic hair. I have openly admitted that I am an asshole to the entire world on here. I have nothing to hide.

You searched the almighty interweb to find out if my alter-ego/burlesque persona does drugs?

What did you to expect to find? This?

I don’t even take Tylenol, you annoyance. That’s right, sorry to burst your bubble but I’m 100% drug free.

And even if I was the fiend you so clearly hope I am – and this will probably come as a MASSIVE shocker to you – I’m not actually that famous so TMZ doesn’t even know (yet) that I exist and the chances of you finding internet exposure of this debauchery you fantasize about are pretty slim…

And the the search words looking for evidence of my wild affairs with cast members from my shows… honestly. What are you trying to prove?

And again, just read my f@cking blog posts. It’s all here. The Billions of men and women I’ve slept with, my fetish for exhibitionism, my trillions of bastard children from meaningless one-night-stands. Blatant begging the general public to come to the Candyass Club Cabaret every 3rd Friday of the month to see my boobs.

I mean… what else do you want to see?

This???

Oops, I mean this?

Oops I mean this???

Dear Stalker, I’m a superstitious woman and I firmly believe that whatever you do on New Year’s Eve is an indication of how the coming year is going to look so let’s make a deal.

To make sure, that 2013 rings in with potential and promise of better things to come,

After I post this, I’ll get back to what I do best, making music, writing brilliant blog posts, tormenting my children, kicking the cats, snorting cocaine and participating in orgies, etc…

And you, get a life. seriously. I mean it. Life is too short to waste stalking other people and obsessing about what they are (or more accurately are not) doing. Forget about me. Go for a walk. Make a salad. Meditate. Videotape your pets doing tricks. Take a pottery class. Volunteer at a food bank. Live. Live your life mindfully and enjoy every moment of it.

Deal?

Love Jen xox

P.S.

Damiana = Female Italian first name – Also a Spanish plant – Also a Mexican Liquor
Dolce = Sweet in Italian

P.P.S
Stalker, I know what city you live in, what your internet IP Address is and what internet provider you use, what kind of computer you have and which browser you are using. So seriously, stop it.