Dear Idiot S01E01

I’m sure it was a simple oversight on your part – But asking for sophisticated woman, when what you really want is a prostitute who is cheap enough to have to peruse craigslist for “dates”, seems a little silly no?

1.Recent photo
Oh, like pre-stretchmarks? Like before my tits fell so low they bounce off my knees when I laugh? Damn.

2. Age, Height Weight, Ethnicity

Um… like, recently? Young, petite, curvy, white (41, short, Roly-Poly, patchy, rashy and aged spotted).

3. Your hobbies
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Because you care? My hobbies are being slim, young, fresh faced but sexy, pouting, laughing at terrible jokes told by arrogant business men who call themselves VIPs (honestly?) and walks on the beach. Oh, and crack cocaine. You?

4. Areas of interest (what do you like to talk about)

Oh, sexy stuff, like politics, culture, foreign affairs, how exhausting my kids are, what natural products I can use to clean the oven with, menstrual cramps, man-farts, vaginal discharge… the ushe.

5. Languages spoken

Um… you mentioned that your VIPs are from the U.S. so I’m guessing they speak English. Were you hoping to seduce them with French accents or probing the rejected mail-order-bride community for an exotic flavour?

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I am NOT even going to lie.

This next classified hits me so deep I feel primal inside. It makes me want to get right back to my turd-slinging routes this one. It actually puts me in a full-on almost uncontrollable poop-throwing mood – Like there is almost nothing I would rather do than whip shit at this guy.

Except for that he would enjoy it and that would pretty much take all the fun out of it for me.



Jennifer June

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