Why do I
hate teenagers miss the good days – the ones when my kids were not monsters still short, enthusiastic and easily amused?
Funny you should ask. I was just thinking about that… for the last 10 years.
I miss the days when my kids were over the moon with unbridled fervor over family trips to Dollarama, rainy-day-picnics under an umbrella and tea parties on the living room floor.
Me: Surprise everybody! We’re going to see The Help tonight at the Paramount!
Thing 1: Seen it
Me: When? It just came out 5 minutes ago!
Thing 1: 5 minutes ago. 4 times.
Thing 2: I hate movies
Me: What? Didn’t you go to a movie with your boyfriend last weekend?
Thing 2: Yeeah.. but this is different. This is a family activity. I hate Family activities so…
Thing 3: I have plans tonight mom! I told you last week I was going to see my boyfriend tonight because he’s going away to lock-up forever and it might be the last time mrmmlmrmmlmrml…
Me: Hey family! Nobody make plans tomorrow night because we’re going to get ooooooooourrrrrr CHRISTMAS TREE!!!
Boyfriend: We’ll see -maybe – probably can’t – I have a thing, work to – deadline for such-and-such-a-label-so-and-so do blah blah blah
Thing 1: I’m working
Thing 2: Why do we even need a Christmas Tree?
Thing 3: Can my boyfriend come because he’s going away to lock-up forever again and it might be the last time mrmmlmrmmlmrml…
Me: STOP IT! We’re going to get a tree! Together!
AS A FAMILY!
We’re having FAMILY Christmas Spirit this year! GOT IT??
So we decide to go Christmas Tree hunting without the boyfriend who isn’t remotely lured by the suggestion that this might be an excellent opportunity to posture macho.
Thing 1 who will help us choose a tree and then go to work and rejoin us at the house after her shift to decorate it.
Thing 1 Takes too long getting ready and goes directly to work.
Thing 2 and 3 procrastinate for 12 years before I drag them out of the house.
We pick a tree but not without having to throw a tantrum at the lot in order to convince thing 2 that I deserve an 8 foot tree and shouldn’t have to feel sorry for the Charlie Brown Twig again this year.
The kids squabble over who is carrying the tree wrong the first block. I take over the rear of the pine.
Thing 3 yells at me for “moving” the tree too much.
I yell back at her that it’s not my fault I’m a foot shorter than her.
She implies that I am a “dwarf” and insists on carrying the tree herself.
Thing 2 pipes in.
Thing 3 tells her to shut-up and storms off with the 2 billion lb tree over her shoulder.
Thing 2 follows and I walk a block behind them, crying all the way home.
It’s funny because it’s true.