I’m sorry, but you can’t parade around, looking like pokemon, with your scrawny, hairy boyfriend, who, by the way, bears a striking resemblance to the guy who works at my neighbourhood video store, on a leash, and expect me to keep a straight face. Last night I performed in a burlesque show that was part…
Month: August 2012
The Anatomy Of A Bad Boy (Dear Jack)
A piece of a conversation between my alter-ego and her friend, Jack: Dearest Jack, Let me help you understand women a little tiny bit. *Your observations are correct, in that it is true that many (too) MANY women are plagued with the heinous and heartbreaking (both to women and the nice-boys who love them ) addiction to the…
Massage And Other Forms Of Physical Assault
So I thought I’d give them a second chance… you know, in case we just didn’t get off on the right foot or something… Before anything else, I told the woman at the desk that I was using a gift certificate and that the tip had been paid in advance, to avoid any stressful argument…
Massages And Other Stress Inducing Intimacies
The massage was inconsistent. Not that I am a connoisseur of these sorts of things. I’ve only ever had one before and due to my inability not to personalize absolutely everything, I spent most of it weeping tears of shame while leaking breast milk all over the massage table. That was years ago, and my…